Saturday, August 06, 2005

Alone in the world?

3 updates in one day… must be some sort of record for me…

Truth be told, I couldn’t sleep. I lay curled up in bed… my stomach in a painful knot... and tears started pooling…

I guess it’s nobody’s fault but my own… In a dumb stupid stupor I made a string of unbelievably daft decisions… Giving up the person who loved me endlessly; for which I’m guilty to no end… Fooling myself that an impossible dream could come true… Alienating my friends... But what’s done is done, I’ve made my bed and now I shall have to lie in it…

Dammit it hurts… It’s back to haunt me… the despair, the feeling that I’m doomed… a monster I though had been banished to the dungeon of distant memory is back to haunt me… How soon one forgets… takes for granted… becomes complacent… Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

It's humbling...

I’m just fragile right now… I’m lost… I may not show it but I’m in a bad place, just slowly trying to find my way out… To all my friends out there, thanks for being my friend… I’m sorry if I’ve been ‘wanty’ or needy… I’m sorry if I’ve lost sight of what made us friends; please help remind me… If I’ve wronged you please tell me; I’ll do my utmost to make it right… I just don’t want to let history repeat… I don’t want to make the same mistakes… I don’t want to lose the people I care about and who care about me…

Thank you.. All of you...

2 Comments:

Blogger Tracy said...

Arrrrrrgghhh are you okay?

And uhm... dunno what's going on, but you shouldn't really blame yourself for stuff that's happened. Cuz.. it's happened and you can't do much about it and feeling guilty won't really help much.

And where are you flying off to?

Sunday, August 07, 2005 12:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey u

yea..dun blame urself..
i mean...if challenges n obstacle don't come in your way once in a while..how u gonna know wat matters and what doesn't?

upon reflection..i think u can see...the things/ppl you've taken for granted but then again, bear in mind, those ppl who let you take them for granted all love u to sum extend XD (and some, maybe more..afterall, we hurt the ppl we loved the most some times ;p )

-hope that made..sense..

hang in there buddy ; )
i'm sure you'll heal ;p

hope i can be there for u like u did for me back den ; )

take care chin
love,
cel

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 6:42:00 PM  

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